Chasing Illusions
After years of chasing easy ways to get rich, going through fake gurus, countless self-confidence booster videos, books, and generating endless excuses, I thought I had finally found something that fit.
I kept myself busy because I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts. Facing my own decisions and taking responsibility for them was something I avoided. So, I buried everything -every struggle, every difficult moment- and I do my best to keep them burried. I wasn’t happy, but I wasn’t completely falling apart either. So I just carried on, but there was always that feeling, that something is wrong. I faked to the world that I’m doing okay, I can deal with my problems, and I faked it to myself too, that okay, just calm the f*ck down, I got this. No matter how hard I tried to keep this up, there was always the feeling, that not everything is in order.
The TRAP of pretending: Faking it to myself
If you don’t know the feeling what I’m talking about, than it will be really hard to explain. I faked being okay so long, that somehow it became my reality. Just to be clear, I never intended to fake this to myself, it was a self defense mechanism that my brain thought was a good solution…, spoiler alert: it wasn’t! I buried my issues so deep and so long that my entire personality was built on that foundation, without even realizing it.
Once I saw a YouTube show that perfectly captured this image: I had dug a hole, thrown all my bad thoughts and struggles in it, buried them and built a house on top. I painted the house, I decorated it and I almost felt like home in it, but I somewhere deep down I always knew, that it was built on a f*cking graveyard with ghost and they eagerly want to be released.
Facing Reality
So, in this case I need to reinvent the wheel. Stop burying my feelings and confront them head-on.
First thing first, to move forward I need to be honest with myself. Why was I stuck in life? Why couldn’t I change, even though I wanted to? Sometimes, at some random life events, I had echoes about buried emotions, pushing them to the surface. I kept trying to suppress them, but it became clear that things needed to change.
And totally random, I had a conversation with my boss. He noticed that I’m working like a robot and I’m good at it, and he also offerd me some opportunities. He wants to know, why I don’t take them?! I never covered before him, or anybody else and I told him again, that how much I hate my job, and I don’t want to live that life. I think what this job offers to me -even if I make some progress in it- is definetly can’t be further away from what I want to do. Not beside, that I don’t see any really good possibilities in it.
Root Problem: The Fear of Effort
That conversation forced me to reflect on why I wasn’t moving forward. I do this job, because I didn’t need to put in any effort in it. I just do this from „scratch”. Unless I find „the one”, I just don’t want to put any real effort in any other stuffs as well. And the effort I put in anything just were enough to give myself a nother excuse for not doing anything to achieve my goals.
And this is where all of this really runs out. The circle of excuses, to not to put the real effort in anything.
But guess what…, when you even find „the one”, that won’t be the one, that generates you money from thin air. You need to make it „the one”.
Letting Go of the Lies
I realised that without really putting in real effort and working hard to achieve anything, I could never move forward.
Finally we reached the point where I intend to be headed:
There are some misconceptions you need to let go, because they are BIG F*CKING LIES, and determines you to failure.
Just to touch them, and i break them down in the next session:
- easy money
- passive income
- get rich qiuck sheme
- income without any skills
- AI (as they mention it)
- work smart not hard [aka you need to work 1-2-3 hours a day]
- there is no such thing, like „the one”